Fattest Cricket Team II

Players 7 through 12 - Part II

7. Ian 'Beefy' Botham - Engalnd
Opening Bowler

One of the Piggy Pair (see 9.). Beefy was proper fat. In a team with Robin Smith, Mike Gatting, Eddie Hemmings, The fat keeper whose name I forget, you can almost add Gooch to the list and Botham made for a heavy weight team.

Botham never liked warming before a match, his idea of a warm up was a pie, pint and a ciggy followed by a snooze.

Famous for breaking a bed while performing extra curricular training one night in Jamaica, somehow, this event was never attributed to being a fat bastard.


8. Shane Warne - Australia
Captain & Coach

The greatest Fat man and fitting captain and coach for this ensemble.

Brought shame to fatty's the world over when banned for a year for taking a banned substance. The banned substance, a diuretic, was a masking agent. But poor Warne wasn't using it to mask performance enhancing drugs. He was using it to lose weight.

He later claimed he had no idea what it was and that his mum gave it to him. Which then allowed the English press to add another great headline, when putting a list of sportsmen that could be nominated for an Oscar. Warne was nominated for "Throw mamma from the training ground"



9. Eddie Hemmings - England
Spin Bowler who bowls a lot of straight balls

Besides being fat, Hemmings only made the team due to a pig. No not a family member, but a little pigs released onto the ground during an Ashes test with "Botham" painted on one side and "Hemmings" on the other.









10. Merv Hughes - Australia
Opening Bowler

The Australian Richard Simmons, no one else could get 10,000 people doing aerobics in Bay 13 at a cricket match. Often the cricket was secondary to Merv's exercise program.

His run-up style was once described as "The mincing run-up resembles someone in high heels and a panty girdle chasing after a bus."

It is said he excessive weight added to his knee problems shortening his career.

A champion sledger, his battles with another fatty, who was stiff to miss the list, Robin Smith, were legendary for Smith sending as many back as receiving. Hughes to Smith after Smith not being able to time a single shot, "Mate, if you turn the bat over, you'll see the instructions on the back!

11. Dwayne 'Bermuda Triangle' Leverock - Bermuda
Shot Putter

The 130kg Policeman who drove a prison van and played in the World Cup and took 'that catch'.

In a warm game to the world cup Dwayne dismissed both Paul Collingwood and Kevin Pietersen, prompting the English press to pen some of the finer work.

"Bermuda Pie-Angle", "Lard Before Wicket" and "OwzFat!"

But the best "The mystery of the Bermuda triangle has been solved. None of the missing people, ships or planes were abducted by aliens after all. They were EATEN by Bermudan spin bowler Dwane Leverock". This prompted his mum to come out in his defence "He's worked hard to lose a lot of weight. it's in his genes, he comes from a large family, on both sides". Yep - the left and right side. Front a decent size also.

12th Man - Crappy Elvis Impersonator - USA

What is a team without an overweight Elvis impersonator.

He should wear a box though!













Haystacks Calhoun - Fitness Advisor & Team Cook

Famous as a wrestler from the golden era, Haystacks said he would eat 3 dozen rashers of bacon and a dozen eggs for breakfast every day, "to keep up my strength".

By the time he was in his early 20s, Calhoun tipped the scales at over 600 pounds, prompting his personal physician to suggest that he did not have long to live unless he reformed his diet. He had an astonishing degree of physical strength. Legend says that Calhoun was eventually discovered by a group of traveling wrestling promoters while physically moving his cows by literally picking them up off the ground and carrying them across the field. Moooooooo!