Fattest Cricket Team

Players 1 through 6 - Part I

First of all I need to apologise to half the English and Australian teams of the 80's, especially the fat English wicket keeper whose name I forget, but I nicknamed Harry Seacombe - If I remembered his name he may have made the final 11 but as beer fogged my memory, enough brain cells remained to recall that Mike Gatting has kept at least once before and could handle the gloves. Here is my fattest team in batting order.


1. David Boon - Australia - Opening bat

World record holder for beer drinking on a Sydney to London flight. 57 cans

As modern day players work tirelessly on six packs, Boon worked tirelessly on downing six packs. He's gut was more a carton than a six pack.










2. Mark 'Mini Boof' Cosgrove - South Australia and occasional game for Australia when Zimbabwe are touring.

Returned to South Australian training start of one summer after a winter playing county cricket in England and apparently "enjoying my cricket". Well he also enjoyed beers after the game, before the game and during the game and had soft spot for pies and pasties. The soft spot being his belly. After turning up to training 15kg heavier than the end of last summer, he was famously sent home from training for a month to lose weight. Too fat to train apparently.




3. Mike Gatting - England
Wicket keeper

Bowled by the 'Ball of the century' delivered by another fat pig. Graham Gooch summed up the look on his face after being bowled by Warne, "He looked like someone had nicked his lunch".

The backfoot forward defensive, the agility, the strut for a short fat bloke who smoked, drank and ate and ate some more.

Famously arrived in the West Indies with his famous strut to save England from further embarrassment as a late inclusion, promptly had his nose smashed in by a Malcolm Marshall bouncer in his first game and sent back to England the next day.






4. Inzamam Ul Huq - Pakistan

Too fat for you. Preferred boundaries to running and Buffets to al a carte.

At a cricket match in Canada a fan called him a "Fat potato", Inzy climbed he fence and whacked him with his bat. Which prompted Imran Khan to describe him as the calmest player on the Pakistan team. Considering some of the peaceful natured players, Akhtar, Miandad, etc., enough said I think.









5. Arjuna Ranatunga - Sri Lanka

Once called for a runner while batting and the Australian wicket keeper, Ian Healy, kindly reminded him that "you don't get a runner for being a fat c#nt".

Or his other comment to entice Rantatunga out of his crease to the spin of Warne, "throw down a mars bar on a good length, that should do it."

But most famous for being a cheat and pointing at umpires








6. Darren 'Boof' Lehman - Australia

Boof, was a cricketer from the 70's and 80's trying to play in 90's. He was 'over fit' in an old fashioned kind of way.

Lept small beer kegs in a single bound and a couple of bounds from his gut and would eat your left overs when you weren't watching.